I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
