I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
