I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
