The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
