he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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