I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
