im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
