How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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