dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
