porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
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It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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