Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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