im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
