God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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