Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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