I just pynch a tree in the face
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
