My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
