apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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