This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
