what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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