I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
