a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
