well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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