What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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