did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
