he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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