i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
