That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
