Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
