Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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