Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
