Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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