I cannot find my penis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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