I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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