just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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