My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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