wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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