i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
