I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
