I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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