yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
