Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
