I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
worst night to have a conscience
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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