I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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