you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize