Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
two words: eviction party
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
