so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i love accidental penises.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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