is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was born a porn star she said
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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