Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i will never coherently bang her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
