I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I believe in your delicious
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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