last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
