1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
