don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Randomize