You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
