Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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