a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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