idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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