I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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