If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
