were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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