There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
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I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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