I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
