She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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