So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm too high and old for this...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
