i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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