You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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