How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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