I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml