he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.