hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
