That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"