Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi